2 thoughts on “Adoption, pros and cons?

  1. i can only give you the cons of international adoption, since i haven’t really felt any of its pros.

    international adoption MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE AN ALIEN from another planet
    – you’re almost always in the spotlight: either total strangers will be squealing in delight about how cute you are gushing about adoption or asking probing questions they would never ask if you were white.
    – people will have ignorant expectations based on stereotypes about you, and you will always have to explain your background, your lack of history,and your lack of culture to people.
    – you will be hounded by people with a fetish for the exotic.
    – you will learn about your culture but it will be ACADEMIC and you will be torn between its added imposition and a yearning to fully know it, which is impossible unless you repatriate.
    – you will be surrounded by a sea of white faces so your whole world is white faces. you will stop and pause when people approach you differently or respond to you differently. you will dismiss this. and then when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror you will be horrified to want to treat that image differently as well. you will be horrified that the image staring back at you is not the image you are used to seeing. you will despair. you will be always the odd man out. you will want to seek out more like yourself, but you will be embarrassed to be seen with them. because there are no images of your kind in popular culture. because you see how that kind gets treated and you think you are somehow not like them. this is called internalized racism.

    international adoption MAKES YOU FEEL ISOLATED
    – you will meet other adoptees as children and be thrown in together, but actually you’ve nothing in common.
    – you will meet other people of your culture, but there’s no way to connect to them. they will speak to you in their tongue. you will awkwardly explain you can’t speak in their tongue/your should-be tongue. they will walk away, disappointed in you and sad for you.
    – you can not entertain searching for your birth mother, because she is buried deep within another country, a country where you can’t communicate, a place teeming with those people.
    – your parents will be proud of themselves and what they did by getting you. because you are different looking, you will have to suffer that pride by your very presence every time anyone sees you together.
    – your parents will want to talk about adoption, but you know they can’t handle anything negative you might feel about it. and you’re too young to verbalize it. you suck it up because you have to. you have to deny the reality of your difference and thereby negate any of the problems associated with being different. you have to fabricate a false front that can handle everything with cheery optimism. you become the good will ambassador for adoption, but it’s a lie. that’s a lonely place to be.

    international adoption eventually MAKES YOU ASK QUESTIONS
    – why did my parents have to rip a child from its culture?
    – what kind of rescue fantasies did they have, and are they valid?
    – what does charity mean? how charitable is adoption, anyway?
    – what is my birthmother’s story? was my adoption ethical? did my parents check into this?
    – what were they trying to gain/proove by choosing this radical route?
    – who did they think they were?
    – was i just a toy for purchase?

    adoption hurts – we walk around with no beginning to our stories, no connection to anything, devoid of roots, dropped here as if we truly were aliens.

    international adoption hurts even more
    – there’s so much more lost, and it’s irretrievable.
    – we’d rather our countries had helped our mothers
    – we’d rather our extended families had had access to take care of us
    – we’re outraged to learn very few children are real orphans
    – we’re outraged that so many relinquishments are based on temporary economic hard times.
    – we’re outraged that the people who run non-profit adoption agencies board members make six figure incomes
    – we’re outraged at the hidden costs of adoption and that people are profiteering by our sale
    – we don’t appreciate how adoption siphons off the problem of out of wedlock childbirth, when the countries could address these problems with adequate birth control and social programs but adoption allows them to shirk their responsibility to their own people.
    – we’re outraged that there is a market to exploit all these
    – we’re outraged that the so-called potential adoptive parents who claim charity as their purpose would not bother to sponsor families to avoid relinquishment.
    – we’re outraged that the cost of one adoption could save multiple entire families in the country the child comes from.
    – we’re outraged that the civil rights of adoptees get violated daily, that their histories are fabricated, that their names are changed, that their birth records are tampered with, and that they are denied access to their records.
    – we’re outraged adoptive parents do not do their home-work, or choose to ignore unethical practices.

    please adopt ethically.
    please adopt domestically.
    please adopt one of the children passed over here because they are no longer babies.

  2. girl4708 speaks eloquently for me as well, but there is one thing I would add, and I really don’t mean this in a facetious way, but….

    I think from now on all questions should go through the “slavery” test.

    Replace the word “adoption” with the word “slavery” and see if it helps reveal the assumptions behind the very question itself.

    What are the pros/cons of slavery?

    The ludicrousness of the question is thus revealed.

Adoptees, what do you think? We welcome your replies!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s