I randomly came across your blog tonight and can’t stop reading. I am a white adoptive mom to my African-American three-year-old daughter. I already feel some ridicule just by saying that and in a crazy way feel I need to give you a synopsis to justify her adoption but am trying to just stick to the point. Since her first days in our family, I have cried over, prayed over, and worried over the issue of race/ethnicity and wondered if this was the right thing for her. At the time of her adoption, she had no family willing to raise her and we were the only family on the foster care/adoption list who would be willing to adopt an African-American child. We live in California—not in small town—this blew me away.
I can’t begin to convey how much I love her, how proud I am of her and how inadequate I feel in some ways in raising her. The questions are harder than I thought—my heart aches and really I just plain want to punch the daylights out of some people with the questions they ask me while she is standing right next to me. I understand that the overall opinion on here about transracial adoption is that it leaves a child feeling alone among many other things. I guess I just want to know what I can do to give her the best life—to allow her to feel intensely proud of her ethnic background, of who she is? I am crying as I type this because the thought of her feeling alone, the thought of her wishing she looked different or not feeling like she has an ethnic identity because of us adopting her kills me.
I sought this site out because of too many sleepless nights pondering all of this and because of all the long talks my hubby and I have of needing to really think about relocating to a city that has a more diverse population of African-Americans (we are in an area of majority Latino and white, with something like seven percent African-American). I wonder all the time if she will grow up feeling isolated here. I would love to hear any thoughts you have on what I can do to make her transracial experience less painful and help her grow up proud of who she is. Any resources (books, videos, blogs, etc.) you can point me to—especially from African-American adoptees who were raised in white families? Thanks for your time. I am really looking forward to reading your thoughts.